''some people are like candles> they burn themselves up to give others light''
When (some) people fear the essence of you, and /in/ themselves, it can only go for so long before you start to be afraid of them (mirroring it), yourself and the darkness. That's where the anger* comes in, leading eventually to self-hate. So then you go on to be as far as possible of your authentic self.
People Feel threatened by your intense light and react in a way that, sooner or later, make you start feeling threatened of standing in your power before them; of who you are on a emotional, mental and spiritual level.
Anger is a coping method, but essentially a broken way of trying to protect yourself. Anger leads to more anger and more self-hate>
so we cannot do anything in that manner to protect ourselves.
(*anger, or it could be sadness for all of you that like to dwell in that emotion ;))
Giving love to the world is disabled by not giving love to the self (which is the only thing we can do).
For lack of understanding that such people react the way they do, has nothing to do with who you are, but merely with that>
what they themselves are afraid to become in your lovely presence.
At the point where you'd die rather then keep on playing that false self charade, opportunity of coming home is presented. But now you fear it even more than before that crappy experience of rejecting yourself and complementary, being rejected by others ( or just perceiving that's the case, either way..), And if you take it, you must go through all that anger once again so it can be healed.
Once we're ''in the clear'' , looking back we see that many people left our lives. we see that all of relationships we nurtured, be it friendly or romantic, fell apart even though we gave our best effort 'cause we believed it is for real. in some sense it was, for that time, and for that false-self way of Being.
Looking at things more objectively from distance, after evaluating these relationships you may find that the love & connection wasn't all that unconditional as you might of thought, after all. With false self on charge yeap it had to be somewhat conditional connection (be it more or less obvious to us)
I was always been cautioned to ''stop being so naive''. so, either someone else is telling you, or you're telling it to yourself, it goes something like: when will you learn it once and for all? well, fuck it- I may never learn it but only by exploring further and going wrong as much times as it takes will I ever be able to discover more about who I really am. For alternative, I can take some compromise on what is my own truth, and by diminishing it in such a way - build in a little bit of disgust each time. Maybe those are self-tests of how much such knowing (therefore, living it) is important and valuable to me, so that I'm willing to give it as many tries as it takes to reveal what is true for me.
Many say they ''want to go home'' but they really-don't. Because if we really did, we would stop all rationalized excuses which we put out there as the obstacle to do so.
'Cause when we're so tangled in current things, which aren't in sync with who we essentially are _ anything else that would suit us better, could seem elusive, illusionary, or like a fantasy dream.
that was never meant to be dreamt. And it surely ''does not make any sense'', especially to those around us.
So, if everything up to now (of what we thought is for real) revealed to be illusion, how can we distinguish if the next thing is illusion too, or not?
Be sure in one thing: no one can reassure us of anything but ourselves.
We make a decision and make it be so;
by being in touch with our sense of individuality,
being true to oneself, even in smallest things,
and making only oneself accountable for your own actions.
I guess we just have to own up to who we really are and what is our authentic-self
And then go from there, fully committed
as once were.
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